Remember Art Linkletter?

My daughter Carissa at a very young age.

"Art Linkletter's House Party" was originally a radio show that debuted in January of 1945. He moved over to television on CBS where the show ran from 1952 to 1969, then from December of 1969 to September of 1970 on NBC. As I've noted in the past, TV reception was limited to WWNY out of Watertown, a CBS affiliate, so Art Linkletter was a daily visitor to our household. This was a talk/variety show, and although the producers would come up with ideas for the show, Art Linkletter never worked off of a script.

The most popular feature on the show was "Kids Say The Darndest Things", where Art would ask questions of children, usually between the ages of 5 and 10. It has been a long time since I've seen the show, but the thought of just popped into my mind last evening, so I spent a few hours last night surfing the web to find what kind of darned things kids are saying today.

I looked at a variety of subjects, including science, religion, and love, etc. I ended up with about 15 pages of stuff, which I have winnowed down to items below. I hope you have as much fun reading them as I did finding them:

St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. A Christian should have only one wife.This is called monotony.

Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.

A blizzard is when it snows sideways. (Kid could have been from Tug Hill)

I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.

Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south. (I certainly never put the two together before – smart kid!)

The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.

You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

The Fifth Commandment is to humor thy father and mother. The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

Don't forget your wife's name ... That will mess up the love.

Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work. (Another genius!)

"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you ...That's why I stopped doing it." (Age 10)

Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold...Other people care more about the food.

Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too.

If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long.

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming."

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.

The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it through an aviator.

A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.

It is sometimes difficult to hear what is being said in church because the agnostics are so terrible.

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he had found a dead cat. “How do you know the cat was dead?”, asked the teacher. “Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently. “You did WHAT?”, exclaimed the teacher in surprise. “You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went “PSSST” and the cat didn’t move.”

A little girl goes to the barbershop with her Dad. She stands next to the barber’s chair while her Dad gets a haircut, eating a snack cake. “Sweetheart, you’re going to get hair on you Twinkie!” said the barber. The young lady replied, “Yeah, I know, and I’m gonna get boobs too!”

When your mother is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" it's best not to answer her.

If mom says "no," she means it. If dad says "no," it means maybe.

When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.

"Never let you Dad cut your hair if he's been drinking Utica Club." (One of my quotes based upon personal experience)

Have a great weekend and enjoy your families!