I first came across this poem in a book edited by Issac Assimov and Janet Jeppson called "Laughing Space", but it was originally published in The New Yorker on May 22, 1948. I recently misread a statement in the "comments" section of this blog, and it reminded me of this poem - one of the few that I have actually memorized. Once you read the poem, you may begin to question exactly what goes on inside this gourd (yeah, I know, some of you have been questioning that for a long time).
The reason I was reminded of the poem is because I have used it for many years as a toast while performing. Reactions ranged from laughter to "...you are a pig!". The reason - it's one of those poems that you have to read carefully, or listen to closely.
You tell me: who was Ogden Nash reprimanding?
Stag Night Paleolithic
Drink hard to Uncle Ugg-lugg
The first heroic human
The first to eat an oyster
The first to marry a woman
God's curse on he who murmurs
As our party waxes moister
Had only he eaten the woman
Had only he married the oyster
If this is your first introduction to Ogden Nash, here's one more from him - marriage advice:
A Word to Husbands
To keep your marriage brimming
To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.
Short, pithy and to the point - my kinda guy.
PICTURES
Talk about Karma, the gentleman driving the truck below had some "Good Karma" working for him on this:
You'll note that the truck is facing in the direction of the the crushed guardrails. He had been going from right to left across the picture, hit the guardrail, became airborne, and landed opposite of the direction he had been traveling. Pretty lucky huh? Check out the last picture to see just how lucky he was!
Now that's what I call "Good Karma"!
THE MENSA INVITATIONAL
The Washington Post yearly conducts their "Mensa Invitational" where folks submit new words and their definitions. I found this in an old file, so I don't know what year these came from, but I thought most of them were pretty darn good. What's your favorite?
1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people, that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The Bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
7. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
8. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
9. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido: All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
14. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
13. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
14. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the lot:
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people, that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The Bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
7. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
8. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
9. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido: All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
14. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
13. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
14. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the lot:
15. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an ***hole. (I have a bit of a problem with this definition, as it demeans the anus, which is at least functional - as opposed to some of the people who're visiting Denver - sorry DD, I just couldn't resist!)
1 comment:
Isaac Asimov
Post a Comment