Poetry, Pictures & More

First, let's begin with something out of the ordinary: Ogden Nash

I first came across this poem in a book edited by Issac Assimov and Janet Jeppson called "Laughing Space", but it was originally published in The New Yorker on May 22, 1948. I recently misread a statement in the "comments" section of this blog, and it reminded me of this poem - one of the few that I have actually memorized. Once you read the poem, you may begin to question exactly what goes on inside this gourd (yeah, I know, some of you have been questioning that for a long time).

The reason I was reminded of the poem is because I have used it for many years as a toast while performing. Reactions ranged from laughter to "...you are a pig!". The reason - it's one of those poems that you have to read carefully, or listen to closely.

You tell me: who was Ogden Nash reprimanding?

Stag Night Paleolithic

Drink hard to Uncle Ugg-lugg

The first heroic human

The first to eat an oyster

The first to marry a woman

God's curse on he who murmurs

As our party waxes moister

Had only he eaten the woman

Had only he married the oyster

If this is your first introduction to Ogden Nash, here's one more from him - marriage advice:

A Word to Husbands

To keep your marriage brimming

With love in the loving cup,

Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;

Whenever you’re right, shut up.

Short, pithy and to the point - my kinda guy.

PICTURES

Talk about Karma, the gentleman driving the truck below had some "Good Karma" working for him on this:

You'll note that the truck is facing in the direction of the the crushed guardrails. He had been going from right to left across the picture, hit the guardrail, became airborne, and landed opposite of the direction he had been traveling. Pretty lucky huh? Check out the last picture to see just how lucky he was!

Now that's what I call "Good Karma"!

THE MENSA INVITATIONAL

The Washington Post yearly conducts their "Mensa Invitational" where folks submit new words and their definitions. I found this in an old file, so I don't know what year these came from, but I thought most of them were pretty darn good. What's your favorite?

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people, that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The Bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

7. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

8. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

9. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido: All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

14. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

13. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

14. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the lot:

15. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an ***hole. (I have a bit of a problem with this definition, as it demeans the anus, which is at least functional - as opposed to some of the people who're visiting Denver - sorry DD, I just couldn't resist!)

Texas & The Death Penalty

Jeffrey Lee Wood is scheduled to be executed by lethal injection tonight in Texas. I am an opponent of the death penalty not only because it does nothing to prevent serious crime, but also because it goes against my basic principles regarding life in general. Other than self-defense or in a time of war, taking the life of another human being is abhorrent.

The case of Jeffrey Lee Wood is one that simply amazes me. If you click on the title you'll be taken to the Washington Post website where you can read their article on this. Briefly, this is what happened:

He was sitting in the car outside of the store where they had arranged with the clerk to pull off a fake robbery - then all 3 would split the proceeds. Something went wrong and his partner shot the clerk in the head.

"Since the case began, lawyers and family members have argued that Wood was mentally unfit for trial. They say he has a severe learning disability, is easily coaxed into doing what he is told and is delusional. Wood signed a statement confessing to the crime."

Other than saving the citizens of Texas the expense of keeping him locked up for the rest of his life, I fail to understand what his execution will achieve. As a punitive action it goes too far, and as for setting an example for other criminals, it's impact is nil.

I find it mind-boggling that someone can oppose the death penalty, yet state with a straight face that abortion is a matter of choice, not murder. When asked when life began last Sunday, Senator McCain answered "at conception" - a viewpoint held by approximately 70% of all Americans. Senator Obama on the other hand, said that the answer to the question was "above my pay grade." Quite the dodge for someone who is supposedly going to lead us to great change.

In Psalm 139 God says 'I formed you in your mother's womb and before you were born I planned every day of your life'. Many Christians take the bible as the literal word of God, thus most Christians believe that life begins at the moment of conception. I tend to view the Old Testament as allegorical, not as the spoken word of God. Either way, it is clear that most Christians are not in favor of abortion, but there are a fair number of these same Christians that also support the death penalty.

Regardless of whether or not your pro-life and pro-death penalty, or pro-abortion and anti-death penalty, the incongruity of the positions defies logic in my eyes.

In a previous posting on abortion I suggested this: If the mother, after viewing the fetus clearly in the womb with the technology we now have available to do that, decides that she still wants to abort the fetus, then her "choice" can be honored. With all the judging we do of others on this earth, I suggested that Christians leave their judgements at the door step once the decision has been made by the mother, and concentrate on helping the woman who has had to make this difficult decision. Let God make the final decision on the morality of aborting the child, suppress your own judgements, and just help a fellow human being who will experience doubt, guilt and a myriad of other emotions.

While discussing the death penalty with my son, he asked, "If somebody killed me, wouldn't you want them killed too?" I told him yes, I would want that person killed, but that would be a visceral reaction on my part. After time and thought, my principles would prevail and I would not endorse the death penalty for the murderer. He couldn't understand how I could feel that way about his murderer. All I could tell him is that life has taught me may things: it can stop in a heartbeat; to retain anger and a desire for revenge hurts you, not the guilty party; forgiveness is the key to a happy heart, and the less judging you do here on the earth, the better you'll be judged when it's time for the final judgement.

With all of the other problems facing our world, a story like that of Jeffrey Lee Woods is seldom national news that draws the attention of the American public. That is unfortunate, but I believe that someday this country will come to the realization that killing someone as a punitive measure is strictly Old Testament - "an eye for an eye" - and it has no place in the evolution of mankind.

It would be nice if the world viewed war in the same fashion, but I don't know if that day will ever come.

Poland & The Czech Republic

"Poland, by deploying (the system) is exposing itself to a strike — 100 percent," Nogovitsyn, the deputy chief of staff, was quoted as saying. He added, in clear reference to the agreement, that Russia's military doctrine sanctions the use of nuclear weapons "against the allies of countries having nuclear weapons if they in some way help them." Nogovitsyn that would include elements of strategic deterrence systems, he said, according to Interfax.

You can click on the title of this blog to be taken to the full AP story on General Anatoly Nogovitsyn. The "system" he's referring to is the missile defense system, including Patriot missiles, that Poland has been after us to place in their country for eighteen months. As part of that agreement, the United States and Poland have also agreed that an attack on one will be considered an attack on the other.

"Russia's ambassador to Latvia Monday warned the Baltic states and Poland that they would pay for their criticism of the Kremlin over the conflict in Georgia, the Baltic news agency BNS reported."

Here's the link to that story:

http://www.topix.com/world/latvia/2008/08/russia-warns-baltics-poland-to-pay-for-georgia-stance-report

There are those in this country who think that we are enthusiastically beating the drums as a prelude to WW III, and that the dreaded "military-industrial-complex" is behind all of this. After reading the statements by the General and the Ambassador from Russia, you'd have to question the reading and comprehension capabilities of those who are already convinced that America is to blame.

The paranoia of the Russian state is a matter of history, and that has driven their political calculations for centuries. Even when we offer to allow their scientists and military personnel to participate in the development of the missile defense system, they reject it out of hand and continue on their xenophobic way.

We are at a very dangerous point in history right now. If we fail to stand up for the Eastern European democracies, it will signal the start of a new "Dark Ages" for those countries that once again fall under the Russian yoke. It will also signal to the world, especially Muslim extremists, that we aren't as willing to die for freedom as they are to die for tyranny. That's not the kind of message we should be sending.

Thus far we've employed diplomacy to try and mollify the Russian, and that is absolutely the right course to pursue. Over the next couple of weeks, unless somebody does something really stupid, we should see the situation simmer down a bit. Eventually Georgia will end up giving up some of it's territory in exchange for promises of no more military incursions by Russia. All of the Baltic States, The Czech Republic and Ukraine will be granted NATO admittance if they so desire, and the stage will be set for the next incident.

Vladimir Putin is a very dangerous individual. To deny that is to invite disaster. President Bush may have thought he looked into the man's soul, but I suspect the eyes of the ex-KGB chief are not the road to his soul. The old saw "actions speak louder than words" is quite appropriate in this instance. I, for one, am not ready to trust Putin.

If we can get an international peacekeeping/observation force on the ground in Georgia, hopefully sponsored by the UN (good luck on that one), we can get the parties separated and allow things to cool down.

President Mikheil Saakashvili of Georgia made a terrible miscalculation when he sent troops into South Ossetia and began bombing the Russian "peacekeepers", a miscalculation that the U.S. had been trying to prevent for the two weeks prior to troop movements. I can understand the justification that some will use: he started the damn thing, now let him finish it. I can understand it, but I don't share that point of view.

This is not about American politics, liberals or conservatives, this is about freedom and the thousands of years it's taken to get this point. If we fail to unite and stand in face of tyranny, then we fail all of those who have given their lives over the centuries to bring freedom to the world. I hope we can achieve this without bloodshed, but that's pretty much in the hands of the Russians at this point.

Putin Shows Who's In Charge

I have purposely held off writing anything about the Russians until things in Georgia developed a little more. From all the reports I've seen, Russian forces continue their aggression even though a cease fire accord was signed after negotiations with the French.

You'll have to excuse me for reflecting back on Poland in 1939. The duplicitous Russians had signed a secret agreement, along with the Non-Aggression Pact with Germany, which gave them half of Poland as theirs once Germany attacked. The reason that war was declared within days was due to the fact that England and France had signed an agreement with Poland to treat an attack on Poland as an attack on them as well.

Georgia has applied for membership in NATO, as has Ukraine. If they had already been approved as members, we would be at war now.

Instead, we are doing everything we can to try and resolve the matter diplomatically. Meanwhile, Russian forces have basically cut the small country in half, and their forces are 20 miles outside Tbilisi, the capitol of Georgia. Diplomacy is the correct course, but for how much longer?

The disputed regions have a majority of people who are Russian - just like there were so many Germans in the Sudetenland and Czechoslovakia and Poland. The Georgian President's movement of forces into the area last week, albeit an action of questionable judgement, was a movement of a country's forces within their own borders. Nonetheless, it was the pretext the Russian's used for their entry.

In May of 2007, in a post entitled "What's Your Guess?", I made the observation that it appeared that Russia's experiment with democracy was over. If anyone has any doubts about who's really making the calls in Russia these days, then you haven't been paying attention. Mr. Putin is the man in charge; an ultra-nationalist who is seeking to rebuild the old Soviet Union.

I suspect that all of the threats and sanctions mean very little to Putin, because he has the power of immense reserves of oil and gas at his command. Not only does he have the ability to put Europe through an extremely cold winter, but his actions would have a dramatic economic impact worldwide. I don't think that means a lot to him either.

So what are we going to do?

The first thing we have to do is make sure we act in unison with the Europeans. Sending Secretary Rice to France and Georgia, and sending humanitarian supplies are good first steps. We have to ascertain if the Europeans are willing to commit forces if it comes to that. We are in no position to take on the Russians by ourselves, but we can do a lot of other things to isolate Russia from the international community with the cooperation of our European allies.

Dismissal from the G8 should be immediate.

If Russia refuses to remove it's forces from Georgia, we should immediately grant NATO membership to Poland, Ukraine, and any other former members of the soviet block who want to join. I don't know if NATO membership would have kept the Russian's out of Georgia, but if they don't leave, we have to draw a clear line in the sand that alerts Putin to the fact that the world will not tolerate any further aggression. We prefer discussion and negotiation, but if they chose otherwise, they will learn that the forces of democracy cannot be overcome.

The Georgian forces may have over-reacted; they may have been driven to action by KGB provocateurs - how it began will take some investigation, but there is no doubt that Russia's actions have gone far beyond their stated goals. If we fail to unite and act as the forces of democracy, it does not bode well for the growth of freedom around the world.

If a cowardly bully is never faced down, they continue their domineering behavior. Sometimes a show of force is sufficient, sometimes it isn't. We have to be ready to react to either situation.

Hook, Line & Sinker

I've had the above photo saved for some time. I didn't know when I would ever use it, but it seems I have found the appropriate occasion. I was more than willing to believe that cell phones could pop the popcorn because of my dislike of cell phones.

I am now an official member of the Gullible Society.

My thanks to PCS for alerting me to the fact that my membership had been approved.

I have both Adobe Photoshop and Jasc Paint Shop Pro, so I am aware of some of the things you can do with pictures and video now; but since they are recent additions to the laptop I've only just begun to scratch the surface of the possibilities they provide.

The pictures below provide some idea of the possibilities:

This last image represents me trying to catch up with 21st Century technology. Urban legends aside, I guess I'll just have to pedal a little faster.

Have a great weekend!

What the Cell?

The only reason I have a cell phone is because the company pays for it. After October 31st I won't have one anymore, and I'm not sure that I'm going to run right out and buy another one after viewing the video. Just what I need, more electronic waves frying a brain that just barely made it out of the 70's.

And then there's texting. I've watched everyone else in the house do it, but I'm telling you right now, if you ever see me texting, please walk up and feel free to break a couple of fingers. Since I plan on doing a lot more guitar playing before I depart, I'm not too concerned about the offer.

My guess is that we are at the beginning of a new phase of evolution that will only become apparent hundreds of years from now. After a few generations of people who use cell phones from cradle to grave, humans will become truly telepathic and the spoken word will become obsolete. They'll also be able to fry eggs just by thinking about it.

Talk about obsolete; movie stars and TV anchor persons will no longer command any one's attention, as affinity groups form around the world. The Yahoo of the Mind. Of course the more rebellious of our offspring will find ways to join groups only to jerk some one's mental-chain.

They'll be somewhat like Commander Data from "The Next Generation" version of Star Trek, only they'll be human - kinda. I think they had an episode where the race they were visiting needed them for breeding purposes because they'd stopped having sex. They were so mental (use any definition you like) that they had lost interest in sex.

Time to do away with cell phones if that crap is gonna happen.

I Just Couldn't Help Myself

While deleting old files from "My Documents", I came across the following that was sent to me a while back, but for the life of me I can't remember who sent it. Sound familiar?

Two posts in one day is not my usual modus operandi, but I thought it was funny and I didn't want to forget about the document, much less who sent it to me. Personally, I think the picture answers the question.

Without further ado, I give you:

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? An American Response

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure - right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems. (Editor's Note: The guy may be right, but he's still a pretentious pain-in-the-ass)

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish a life long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This is a new platform much more stable and will never reboot

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? (Editor’s Note: I heard that somewhere in the 70's, may have even experienced it once or twice.)

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun? (This one is for DD & PCS)

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white. We need some black chickens.

PEE WEE HERMAN: It wasn't because I was choking it.

And with that, I bid you a pleasant evening.

How They Get Those "Everyday Low Prices!"

If you've ever wondered how WalMart gives you those "Everyday Low Prices", take a look at the photos of the ship "Emma Maersk". Here are some interesting statistics regarding her:

Country of Origin: Denmark
Length: 1,302 ft.
Width: 207 ft.
Crew: 13
Net Cargo: 123,200 Tons
Engine: 14 in-line cylinder diesel
Cruise Speed: 31 Knots
Construction Cost: $145 Million

Silicone paint on the bottom of the ship saves 317,000 gals. of diesel per year





















15,000 containers and a 207' beam! 13 people for a ship longer than a US aircraft carrier which has a crew of 5,000 men and officers. The 207' beam means it cannot fit through the Panama or Suez Canals . It is strictly transpacific.

Check out the cruise speed: 31 knots means the goods arrive 4 days before the typical container ship (18-20 knots) on a China-to-California run. This ship was built in five sections. The sections floated together and then welded. The command bridge is higher than a 10-story building and has 11 cargo crane rigs that can operate simultaneously.













Regardless of whether you think of them as WalMart or SprawlMart, you've got to admit that they provide a source of goods for many folks who could otherwise not afford them, and this is one of the ways they manage to do it.

Give The Man Some Credit

""My interest is in making sure we've got the kind of comprehensive energy policy that can bring down gas prices," Obama said in an interview with The Palm Beach Post.

"If, in order to get that passed, we have to compromise in terms of a careful, well thought-out drilling strategy that was carefully circumscribed to avoid significant environmental damage - I don't want to be so rigid that we can't get something done," Obama said."

You can call it a flip-flop if you want to, but I think the man is just using common political sense. You cannot continue to ignore the will of the American people and expect to be elected; a fact that remains lost on Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid.

President Bush - call these dilatory representatives of the people back into session!

Perhaps now that their standard bearer has had a revelation, others may have a change of heart also. Give them about a week to get their asses chewed out back at home, then call them back to work. The American people deserve better than elected representatives with ideologies to rigid to adapt to the will and the needs of the people.

If, per chance, they refuse to compromise, I hear there are job openings in Alaska for surveyors, and I can think of a few Senators and Congressmen I'd love to see in this situation:

This poor guy doesn't realize that the bear was driven to this rage because the damn penguins have such a goofy sense of humor - not unlike yours truly.

Images For A Friday

As we begin the month of August, let's take a break from all of the political BS we'll have to listen to from both sides for the next three months, and have a "Photo Friday". The first offering is the new international symbol for gas stations. Seems rather appropriate doesn't it.

It didn't have any impact on my vacation plans, because I never had any, but there millions of folks out there who wouldn't let a little thing like gas prices keep them off the beach:

No, that's not Chases Lake, but it is the reason why most of us choose to live in the North Country.

Some shots of the beauty of summer!

Kids love the summer, especially summer vacation, but the little ones can often find the heat and humidity as hard to take as some of us older folks. Here's a new way to keep your baby cool all through August:

As the sun slides below the horizon, another day comes to an end. We give thanks and get ready for what lies ahead.


























The beauty of autumn . . .












. . and the need for a big ass

snow

blower!


Have a wonderful weekend, enjoy your families, and turn off the TV. The boobs that run this country are on a month long vacation and the candidates still have three months of yada-yada, so you won't be missing anything.