Bits & Pieces

TIME FOR SCHOOL PHOTOS

With Labor Day Weekend almost upon us, parents everywhere are readying their children for school. Soon after they return to school, they will have the opportunity to have their pictures taken for posterity and future embarrassment. Parents will be shocked to learn that this year they will also have the option of having their childs portrait painted at the same discounted price that federal employees qualify for. Apparently specially designed frames are also available for federal employees, because Congressman Charlie Rangle is having his portrait painted, including a designer frame, at taxpayer expense, for the sum of $64,000. Now there is very little that I admire about Mr. Rangle's politics, but he is a Korean War veteran and an elected official, and since he has yet to qualify for a mug shot, he should be able to have his likeness hung in the hallowed halls of Congress. But when you're going to pay more for a "portrait" than the average Lewis County resident makes in a year, I think it's time to dig out the old Kodak for crying out loud.

THANKS - BUT NO THANKS

I could not help but laugh when I noticed that Fidel Castro has made it known that the ticket of Hillary for President and Obama for Veep would be a winning combination. Is this one of those times you might say - with friends like that, who needs enemies? I can't wait to see who Hugo Chavez is backing, but if Robert Kennedy Jr. decides he would like to replace Hillary as our next Senator, I'm sure that Benito Jr. will offer his support along with all that cheap oil he can spread around thanks to our continued use of CITGO stations.

I'M GUISEPPE FREAKIN' FRANCO

His commercial for that hair growing product is hilarious. He charges his customers in Beverly Hills $450 for this treatment - you only use it once a month - and you can buy it on TV for $20, plus shipping & handling (shipping and handling really stands for "profit and more profit - thank you very much). After the voice over, you see this spike-haired Italian who looks like the spaced out brother of Al Pacino. In another version of this work of art, the voice over refers to his "celebrity clients", and you see a quick shot of him hugging Gary "I should have worn my cycle helmet" Busey. Two space cadets locked in a loving embrace - Brokeback Mountain meets Italian Sci-Fi. Guiseppe then goes on to tell us: " Duhhhhhh - I don't own the company. Duhhhhhhhhhhhhh - I don't know anything about it!" This is a tough one to calculate: are people in Beverly Hills so pretentious that they really pay this jerk $450 for a hair cut, or did the PR firm find this guy at a late night showing of Rocky IV?

AND THY SHEEP SHALL WEAR UNDERWEAR

You just can't make this crap up. I've talked about Michael Yon before and his reporting from Iraq. It seems that some of the local tribal chiefs decided to turn on AQ not only because they were indiscriminately killing civilians, but they were demanding that the genitalia of sheep by covered. Shepherds were beaten when AQ found that the sheep were not wearing underwear that covered their genitals. http://michaelyon-online.com/wp/the-ghosts-of-anbar-part-ii-of-iv.htm This will take you to "The Ghosts of Anbar" Part II. After you scroll down the page, you'll find an area highlighted that says something to the effect "I heard this all over Iraq". You'll be directed to You Tube where you can see the Iraq's talking, and hear the voices of Michael and his interpreter.

...AND THERE SHALL BE NO END ...

After Labor Day weekend, the assualt you thought was all out will start to kick into high gear. The "wannabes" will be incessant from now until the elections next year. We'll get a brief break, very brief, around Thanksgiving and Christmas, but that's about it. During an election year, valium should be made available free of charge to every American who is stupid enough to follow politics. Maybe with the valium they'll just go to sleep and wake up November 1, 2008. That's more than enough time to catch up on everthing they've missed.

Have a great Labor Day weekend and remember to thank the government for taking your hard earned money.