White Tie & Tails - The Speech He Should Have Given

If for no other reason, I like George Bush because the white-tie affair for the Queen of England the other night was the first such event of his Presidency. But even better than that, I loved his little jab at the Queen and the reference to her touring the country since the 1776.

My liberal friends who still think George Bush is an idiot considered it another faux pas, while I, on the other hand, believe that he did it on purpose. If he didn't, that little wink to the Queen and her icy stare in return were unrehearsed moments that pretty much summarize our relationship with Great Britain: We may get a little testy with each other now and then, but our friendship is one that will withstand the test of time.

The pretentiousness that is normally associated with any politician is noticeably missing in President Bush - maybe that's why so many people think he's "dumb". That, and the fact that he often has a difficult time with the English language. Even with other's writing their speeches, there are just some folks who will never be great orators, while other's can speak off the top of their heads and sound like Einstein on a good day.

What follows below is an email that I received the other day from Ranger Bob. It is a speech that many feel the President should give:

The Speech George W. Bush Should Give:


Normally, I start these things out by saying "My Fellow Americans." Not doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who more than half of you are any longer. I do know something terrible has happened, and that you're really not "fellow Americans" any longer.

I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit!!!

Now before anyone gets all in a lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or something, let me assure you: there's been no breaking of laws or impeachable offenses in this office.

The reason I'm quitting is simple: I'm fed up with you people.

I'm fed up because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the world. Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure it out.

Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the news media. Polls show that the majority of you think the economy is in the tank. And that's despite there being a record number of homeowners including a record number of MINORITY homeowners. And, while we're mentioning minorities, I'll point out that minority business ownership is at an all-time high.

Our unemployment rate is as low as it ever was during the Clinton Administration. I've mentioned all those things before, but it doesn't seem to have sunk in.

Despite the shock of 9/11 to our economy, the stock market has rebounded to record levels and more Americans than ever are participating in these markets.

Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than economic security.

We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this "blood for oil" crap. If I was trading blood for oil, I would've already seized Iraq's oil fields and let the rest of the country go to hell. And don't give me this "Bush Lied, People Died" crap either.

If I was the liar you morons take me for, I could've easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be "discovered." Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was faulty. Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods, same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was official US policy before I came into office. Some guy named "Clinton" established that policy. Bet you didn't know that, did you?

You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because, fundamentally, the Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to outspend and out-tech them.

That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as they weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can. But they are. They want to kill you. And the bastards are all over the globe.

You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because you've got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law enforcement and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that.

When this whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult fight. I'm disappointed in how many of you people believe that "a long and difficult fight" amounts to a single season of "Survivor."

Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars should last a few months, a few years, tops.

Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. Every time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well you might just as well Fedex a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.

In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over the Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times or on NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter. Most of you would rather watch American Idol.

I could say more about your expectations that the government will always be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city that's below sea level as a monster hurricane is approaching. I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion that were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.

So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient house down there (Al Gore could only dream of one like it) and the capability to be fully self-sufficient. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever hear of it again, I hope.

Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last pillars of America fall.

Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means Pelosi is your new President. You asked for it. Watch what she does carefully, because I still have a glimmer of hope that there's just enough of you remaining who are smart enough to turn this thing around in 2008.

So, that's it. God bless what's left of America. Some of you know what I mean.

The rest of you: Buzz off.

Unfortunately, we know all too well what that means. If we could only get the liberals to move to Canada, they could have their socialist Nirvana, spend nothing on defense and let us protect them. Kind of like what we're doing now, only without having to listen to them whine. CBS/NBC/ABC/CNN/NY Times/PMSNBC - they could join the CBC as another media outlet only the lemmings watch.

We will have to keep a token liberal or two for comedic relief, but other than that, can you imagine anything better than Pelosi, Murtha, Kennedy, Bubba & Sow all going north and becoming Canucks?

Who said heaven on earth is impossible?